EVERY THANKSGIVING, Americans collectively perform the bizarre ritual of praising a bird moments before roasting it. But in the 2008 cult film Thankskilling, the turkey finally snaps — and honestly? Fair enough. This homicidal, foul-mouthed puppet (yes, puppet) is everything our annual centrepiece dreams of becoming: sentient, vengeful, and absolutely done with human nonsense. Born of necromancy, reanimated by dog wee, fuelled by rage, and armed with one-liners that would make a 2000s stand-up comic blush, Turkie stalks college students, slaughters pilgrims, steals faces (literally), and pops up every 505 years to announce “gobble gobble, motherf—”.
If you’ve ever stared at a frozen Butterball and thought: this thing looks like it wants me dead, you’re not wrong. Cinema has receipts.
Welcome to the unofficial compendium of killer foods — a Thanksgiving-adjacent guide to every appetiser, entrée, and dessert that has risen up on screen to hunt, slice, digest, or psychologically traumatise humanity.
Think of it as a tasting menu curated by Gordon Ramsay after a concussion.
APPETISERS, SIDES & SALADS
Killer Tomatoes (Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, 1978)
What if your salad turned on you? In 1978, tomatoes gained sentience, doubled in size, wore earmuffs (fashion queens), and began eating swimmers and entire armed forces. Their blood is tomato juice, their manners appalling, and their only known weakness is the song “Puberty Love”. Yes. The pubescent serenade that could end civilisation as we know it… is also a banger to killer produce.
Threat Level: Caprese, but make it carnivorous.
Killer Sushi (Dead Sushi, 2012)
Sashimi that flies. Nigiri that slices. An omelette sushi named Eggy who is somehow both adorable and traumatising. In this Japanese horror-comedy, reanimated sushi terrorises a countryside inn after a disgruntled ex-pharma bro curses the food. These sushi pieces barrel-roll through rooms, embed themselves into human flesh, and behave exactly like your sleep-deprived brain imagines your 3am snack would.
Threat Level: That one aggressive tuna roll in the conveyor belt that keeps staring at you.
MAINS, ENTRÉES & SANDWICHES
Turkie (Thankskilling, 2008)
We’ve discussed him. We fear him. He fears nothing — except losing his magic talisman and being set on fire like a discount crème brûlée. If you’re carving a bird today, maybe say “please”.
Threat Level: Seasonal, sarcastic, sustained psychological harm.
Inhumanwich (Inhumanwich!, 2016)
A sentient hamburger-meat blob created when an astronaut has a radioactive space accident (the usual). This creature oozes around town devouring everyone in a gorgeous black-and-white homage to ’50s creature features. It has teeth. It has intent. It is an overcooked patty of pure malevolence.
Threat Level: Your favourite burger joint if the hygiene rating drops below 2.
Zombie Chickens (Poultrygeist, 2006)
You know how every fast-food place swears they use “farm fresh” chicken? In Poultrygeist, that chicken is… not at peace. Zombified by the spirits of displaced Native Americans, these chickens burst out of fryers, mangle customers, and — in one case — mutate into a giant poultry kaiju. Their weaknesses include beer and explosions, which frankly explains the behaviour of many humans too.
Threat Level: KFC on a day they run out of wings.
DESSERTS & SWEET THREATS
Killer Donuts (Attack of the Killer Donuts, 2016)
A mad scientist’s serum flies into a fryer, the dough becomes contaminated, and suddenly the pastries are sentient murder-treats capable of leaping onto faces, poisoning victims, and — crucially — driving a stolen police car. Imagine being eaten by a donut. Imagine being carjacked by one.
Threat Level: Pink sprinkle glaze of doom.
The Gingerdead Man (The Gingerdead Man, 2005)
A gingerbread cookie possessed by the soul of an executed serial killer (whose ashes were mixed into the dough — artisanal!). He speaks, drives, commits murder, and looks like the evil cousin of every Christmas cookie you’ve ever iced. His existence suggests one thing: bake with caution. Also maybe wash your mixing bowl.
Threat Level: Seasonal depression but edible.
The Stuff (The Stuff, 1985)
White, sweet, zero-calorie, addictive goo that oozes from the earth, becomes a commercial sensation, and slowly colonises the brains and organs of its consumers, turning them into zombie snackers. It’s part dessert, part parasite, and part brutal satire of consumerism. It can explode out of any bodily opening. Yes, that one too.
Threat Level: Every “guilt-free” dessert that tastes suspiciously good.
EPILOGUE: A THANKSGIVING LESSON
If cinema teaches us anything, it’s this: food has feelings, vengeance, and occasionally a driver’s licence. From sentient tomatoes to extraterrestrial yoghurt, horror movies have spent decades warning us that dinner might one day rise up, form a union, and demand hazard pay.
So this Thanksgiving, carve your turkey gently. Season your sides respectfully. And when you open the fridge at midnight for a cheeky snack… whisper a quick sorry. Just in case.