AT THIS POINT, we’re practically curators of a museum nobody asked for. And yet, the exhibits keep rolling in: gleaming, plastic, often pointless. Welcome to Part VI of our Encyclopaedia, where every promise of convenience comes with the faint aroma of buyer’s remorse.

1. Egg Separator (Pluck)

A suction bulb that slurps up yolks. Fun once, then abandoned. Your hands do it faster, cheaper, and with fewer squeaky noises.

Verdict: Crap.

2. Egg Whisk

A whisk. For eggs. As if chopsticks and forks didn’t exist. A rare example of innovation making a task more boring.

Verdict: Crap.

3. Electric Can Opener

Takes up counter space, clogs easily, and struggles with odd can sizes. Invaluable if you’ve got arthritis; otherwise, a manual opener wins every time.

Verdict: Mixed.

4. Electric Fillet Knife

Beloved by people who carve roasts for crowds or slice through frozen brisket. Everyone else just calls it “that scary buzzing blade in the drawer.”

Verdict: Moment in the sun (niche).

5. Electric Vegetable Steamer

A bulky plastic contraption that does the same job as a pot with a steamer basket. Harder to clean, uglier to store.

Verdict: Crap.

6. Finger Guard

A shield to protect your fingertips while chopping. Useful for the clumsy; mocked by chefs who scoff, “Just learn knife skills.”

Verdict: Moment in the sun (safety).

7. Fruit & Veg Storage Containers (shaped like produce)

Giant strawberry for strawberries, onion-shaped onion box… adorable but unstable, and take up more fridge real estate than the produce itself.

Verdict: Crap.

8. Garlic Peeler Tube

Rub garlic cloves inside a silicone tube until the skins fall off. Or: smash with a knife in two seconds flat.

Verdict: Crap.

9. Glass Cutting Boards

The sound alone could file your teeth down. They wreck knives, crack easily, and make your counter look like a hospital lab.

Verdict: Crap (universally reviled).

10. Grape Slicer

A spring-loaded device that quarters grapes one at a time. Blades dull fast, grapes turn to goo.

Verdict: Crap.

11. Hamburger Patty Moulds (Stuffed Burger Press)

Fake grill marks = fake news. But the stuffed-burger press? Slightly genius if you’re into meat pockets.

Verdict: Mixed.

12. Hands-Free Bag Holder

Keeps a plastic bag propped open so you can fill it with leftovers. Congratulations, you’ve reinvented… a drinking glass.

Verdict: Crap.

13. Herb Stripper

A flat disc with holes for dragging stems through. Usually ends up in the back of the drawer. Fingers do it better.

Verdict: Crap.

14. Hot Dog Toaster

Simultaneously heats buns and dogs by “electrocuting” them. Produces food that tastes like pennies and regret.

Verdict: Crap.

15. Mini Infrared Thermometer

A tiny laser temp gun that looks like it belongs in a sci-fi lab. Actually handy for candy, oil, or pizza stones—if you remember where you left it.

Verdict: Moment in the sun (niche).

16. NoCry Cut-Resistant Gloves

Makes you feel like a kitchen knight. Four times stronger than leather, machine-washable, and genuinely useful if knives make you nervous.

Verdict: Moment in the sun (safety).

17. Ice Cream Scooper

Technically useful, but most of us just grab a spoon. Secret superpower: portioning cookie dough.

Verdict: Mixed.

18. Pizza Scissors

The Frankenstein’s monster of kitchenware: half shears, half spatula. Promises clean pizza slices, delivers gunky blades and awkward angles. A wheel or a knife does the job faster, with less swearing.

Verdict: Crap.

And so, six volumes later, we emerge from the gadget drawer blinking into the light. We’ve cubed eggs, guillotined bagels, spiralised courgettes, and even electrocuted hot dogs. Some contraptions earned a grudging nod, most deserved the bin, and all confirmed what we knew deep down: the human appetite for over-engineered nonsense is infinite.

This concludes The Slurrp Encyclopaedia of Dubious Kitchen Contraptions — for now. Because if there’s one lesson late capitalism has taught us, it’s that the next “must-have” gizmo is already on its way to a clearance rack near you.

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The Slurrp Encyclopaedia of Dubious Kitchen Contraptions: The Complete Set

Part I | Kicks off with the Ninja Slushie and descends into banana slicers, bagel guillotines, and other drawer disasters.

Part II | In which dumplings get cubed, kale gets stripped, and the Robot Pancake Art Maker earns its hall-of-shame crown.

Part III | Where pickle pickers, quesadilla makers, and Smart Salt Grinders prove we’ve learned nothing.

Part IV | Potato-peeling gloves, decorative lemon squeezers, and pasta spoons test the limits of common sense.

Part V | Starring pancake pens, butter spiralisers, and Ron Popeil’s infomercial empire of nonsense.

Part VI | A grand finale featuring garlic tubes, grape slicers, pizza scissors, and other contraptions covered in egg residue and regret.