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Every year, Mother’s Day is observed as an occasion to celebrate everything a mother-figure symbolises. And when it comes to food heritage, we all love to celebrate everything from naani ke nuskhe to maa ke haath ka khana. But most often, the image of the mother-figure celebrated here is that of a homemaker who has dedicated her life to caring for every member of the family and being the torchbearer of India’s food heritage–or at least the legacy of her own regional, religious, socioeconomic identity. That’s not the image in my head, because that’s not the mother who brought me up.
In fact, and children of working mothers might agree with me here, this idealised image of a homemaker mother has more relevance in history and fiction today than in our real lives. This is because the nation that we (millennials and beyond) have grown up in had more and more women choosing to join the workforce while also being equally active at home and with their kids.
Now, before you assume this is an op-ed on the state of working mothers in India today and the burden of ‘having it all and doing it all’, let me be clear that that’s not it. Like all working women, I know that this burden of having to perform consistently and exceed expectations at both our offices and homes is all too real and harsh. But we do it because we have to, and many of us are incredibly passionate about giving it our best shot. And in the process, what we have today handed down from a few generations of working mothers since the 1960s-70s is not just a regional food legacy, but a pan-Indian, even a global one.
A Tiny Story Of A Working Mom
If you have ever seen Satyajit Ray’s Mahanagar, released in 1963, you’d know that Bengal is one of the regions which witnessed middle class women entering the workforce in various capacities pretty early on. Belonging to the state meant that my mother not only had access to education, but also the privilege of family support when it came to the idea of pursuing a career after marriage. My mother knew the basics of Bengali home cooking and was adventurous enough to try making the first biryanis and dose-sambar at her maternal home. But the world really opened up when she married my dad and got a chance to live and work in states like Gujarat, Punjab and Karnataka.
As a schoolteacher, she worked with women belonging to not only these three states and her own, but from all over the country. As a wife of a central government officer, she had access to colleagues’ wives (some working, some homemakers) who were pretty enthusiastic about having picnics and office parties. As a nerd at heart, she read cookbooks, magazines and adopted everything she found relevant. In fact, one of the first ways my mother found her passion for Tamil food was when my father gifted her two volumes of Meenakshi Ammal’s cookbooks!
The result was that my brother and I had incredible variety in the meals we ate on a daily basis. Our image of a mother who taught us how to cook and passed down recipes and more is therefore not that of a typical Bengali mom or even a homemaker who always had food ready when we got home. We learned to respect food from different regions and backgrounds growing up. We mastered kitchen skills pretty early on and knew how to serve ourselves to ease the burden of chores on our mom.
Over the years, consciously and subconsciously, we have built our own food identity and legacy based on what our working mom taught us. For me, this is not just the idea of a heritage represented in what I cook, but also how I cook and operate around the kitchen. My working mom has passed down not just pan-Indian recipes, but invaluable mantras that I have found useful throughout my adult life as a woman who handles a workplace and a home simultaneously.
In the hopes that every working mom and woman with an interest in food finds them just as handy, this Mother’s Day, here are the mantras handed down to me.
Working Mom Mantra 1: Exposure And Open Exchange Matters
Your home may be your safe haven, but your workplace is a treasure trove of experiences. Keep an open mind and your tastebuds ready during office meal hours. Talk about what’s in everyone’s dabbas and have an open exchange of ideas about regional ingredients and recipes. If you have a remote job, note that conversations about food among women can be relaxing too. For example, at Slurrp, we always make a point of chatting about the ingredients in season and what we plan on cooking with them whenever we take short breaks from work. This is an opportunity to socialise and learn more at the same time!
Working Mom Mantra 2: Resourcefulness Is The Mother Of Invention
With economic independence comes access to gadgets, appliances, hacks and more–and it is your right to use them as much as you want to get food on the plate on a daily basis. All you need to do is develop resourcefulness as a skill (which honestly comes naturally to jugaadu Indians anyways, right?). If I’m pressed for time and I can’t get tamarind for my sambar, I should be resourceful enough to add vinegar, or raw mangoes, or sour kiwis, or any other souring agent to get the job done without hassling or panicking. It’s okay if the sambar tastes unlike a restaurant’s–we don’t have time to overthink, and hey, what if the result is fantastic and I can dream of being the next MasterChef too?!
Working Mom Mantra 3: Failures Are A Part Of The Process
Let’s just be honest and accept that most mothers, working or homemakers, have a tendency of being too hard on themselves. In fact, most women are, right? And yet, mothers also teach kids to not let failures overwhelm them and instead take it in their stride. So, why let a few broken parathas, burnt curries or gluten-free breads gone wrong lead us to panics and breakdowns? Even professional chefs face failures. You are doing your best to manage a lot of things within the same 24 hours everyone gets, so dust yourself off and start afresh whenever you need to. In the meantime, just order in some food or make the ever-reliable khichdi in a hurry!
Working Mom Mantra 4: Find Your Passion
Simply because you have an interest in food does not mean you should know how to cook everything–even chefs who train to cook, don’t. What will sustain you through the toughest times as a working woman or mom are things you are passionate about, and when it comes to cooking, this could be through a cuisine you love or a technique that spells comfort for you. It’s Italian cuisine and baking for me, but it could be Punjabi food and pickling for you. Whatever it is, find it and nurture it. That’s the only way to ensure you find joy in cooking even during high-stress times.
Working Mom Mantra 5: Cook For Yourself As Much As For Others
One of the main reasons both my mother and I related real hard with Nigella Lawson–another working mom, by the way–is because she always ended her shows with a middle-of-the-night scene where she’s getting second helpings or just snacking on things she cooked that day. That iconic working mom has sustained a lifetime’s joy in her profession, motherhood and life in general because she cooks for herself just as much as she cooks to feed her family and friends. It’s simple really: cook what you will enjoy eating.
Working Mom Mantra 6: Don’t Try To Do It All
Can’t stress this enough as a working woman, but constant burnout is real and you know it! Simply because the world offers us “100 ways to meal prep for a week” doesn’t mean we HAVE to do it every single week. I might know how to make theplas, biryanis and litti-chokhas from scratch, but that in no way suggests I’ll always be in a position to whip it up–I have a job to manage too, and my household runs because of the money I earn after all! Quite often, maybe not always, your work will take priority over your family, and things like cooking will be missed–and that’s okay.
Be graceful, patient and kind to yourself, and don’t try to do it all. Ask for help because there’s no shame in it. You deserve to be supported just as much as your spouse, kids, in-laws, parents at home, and seniors, juniors and colleagues at the workplace. To be honest, these mantras aren’t just for Mother’s Day, or even for mothers only. Here's hoping you find solace and support through them just as much as we have, throughout our lives.
